Monday, October 22, 2012

Effects of Laziness: YouTube Rabbit Hole

You know those days when your parents drop you off at your host mom’s house at 8:30 in the morning because they have a flight to catch back to the States and you clearly can’t go with them, so you just lay in bed from then until 8 at night watching The Walking Dead, Modern Family and other  shows until your eyes hurt and you question your existence? 
Yeah, me either.
No, but I totally do because that has been my life ALL day today. I'm pretty damn sure I'm near developing bed sores from my level of inactivity. I'm making Stephen Hawking look like a gold medal gymnast.
So, what have I done with myself other than watch too much of The Walking Dead (there is no such thing) and stare longingly at the jar of peanut butter on my desk?? I have watched an unhealthy and unfathomable amount of YouTube videos. Things I don't even care about, like a 16 minute makeup tutorial that I only endured because it was done by Jenna Marbles and I love her. I sat through a 13 minute video where some questionable gay (no h8) and this British girl laughed at how they pronounced words differently. In fact, right toward the end, my internet quit unexpectedly and you know what I did? I found that damn video again because I was so intrigued as to how the British girl was going to try to read a sentence from The Hunger Games in an American accent. She was awful. I happened upon some quirky science experiment videos, magic sand, magnetic putty, and somehow found my way to Honey Boo Boo...

So what's my point? here it is - holy shit, my door just opened on its own.................. now that I'm safe, my first thoughts were that it was either a zombie, and I would soon see a hand reach through the crack, or it was the turtle that inhabits this fine residence. The uncomfortable reality is that the turtle is more likely.. or is it?? Sorry. Huge distraction from "the point" - when you have literally nothing to do, not a god damn thing, and you subject yourself to hours of YouTube videos, you will get sucked down a rabbit hole. A very uncomfortable and furry hole where rabbits claw at your eyes and try to disembowel you with their horrid, yellow teeth.

I would say that my worst rabbit hole experience was today, when I began my YouTube expedition with the Marry the Night video by Lady Gaga. She is not the most normal person, granted, however, I never thought I would end up where I did after I regained consciousness in reality.

I want you to guess. Are you guessing?

Live horse births.

Yes. I got from point A: Lady Gaga, to point 'whatthefuck:' live horse births.

I can't unsee that. I mean, just imagine a horse coming out of another horse. It's long bony legs and hooves! I didn't JUAN to see that! Nonetheless, I watched. I even scrubbed backwards at one point to be like, "huh, how the hell did that come out of there and end up over there?"

My point is, friends, don't be a fucking loser like me because you will develop a headache and end up witnessing live births. I consider myself lucky; live horse birth seems relatively tame compared to what else you could stumble upon. God forbid you had to watch an aye-aye give birth or be born because they are the absolute ugliest creatures that mother nature has ever thought up. I'm pretty sure they're the hate child of a bat and Wormtail from Harry Potter.

Image Source
Now, the only thing that would be worse than watching that be born is watching it eat its own placenta. Gah, imagine if it tried to hug you!?


  1. Well now I HAVE to go watch aye-aye give birth. Falling down a YouTube vortex is bad but it happens all the time. There was a day I spent entirely on Reddit that lead me to YouTube that spit me out into Vimeo then I passed out from exhaustion. That night I dreamt of Amish people and how hollow and empty their lives must be, and felt much better about being a shiftless layabout.

    1. Hahahaha, I'm sure Amish people lead rather hollow lives, like you say. That's why they feel the need to trick out their buggies and make dangerously delicious pies.

      And about the aye-aye, let me know how that goes.. because those are some ugly motherfuckers. In fact, I don't even think they are born like other babies. A crack in the earth shoots them out one by one.

  2. I kinda want to see this now. You know, because I'm sick like that. Thank God for the Internet, right? I'm sure I could find a horse birth video before I even type out the end of this comment, even without Ms. Gaga's help.

    Also, you're right, there's no such thing as too much Walking Dead. It's just not possible.

    1. It's not as bad as live horse birth might suggest... but it's still pretty bad. Amen to the Internet, that's how I discovered that I could save baby seals with a click of a button - or give out all my personal information with a click of a button. I was young and naive..

      Yeah, the Walking Dead is incredible. I find so much thrill in it because I live vicariously through the characters. Why do I want a zombie apocalypse so badly?