Thursday, October 6, 2011

Luxuirously Linguistic, Don't You Think?

We have have really sick senses of humor, as you'll come to understand with more and more posts.

What we want to deliver to you, so delicately peppered throughout our postings as they are sacred pieces of literature, is what we call our "scenarios." These types of stories are on-the-spot and happen to grow out of something as simple as a glance or a question. For some reason, they have always been text messaged back and forth in novel-like language.

In this case, this whole scenario is in response to the statement: "You should just rage slap her."

Bet you're biting your nails. Ready? Here you go:

Just picture me screaming with rage and barreling out of my chair, throwing it violently to the side. She turns in slight alarm flinching at my bright face. Eyes of fire. Mouth foaming white. 

Too late, I am upon her, ripping her from her chair. She yelps slightly in fear and pain. I growl something incomprehensible in my rage. I drag her to the center of the room as she scurries away.

I scream as if I’m a harpy clenching my hands into claws as I scratch at her back and trip her. She scrambles to her feet. Eyes watering. Face scrunched in confused fear. I bare my teeth my mouth still foaming and wind up, my whole body swinging. 

Thrusting my body upward as if I were hurling a shot put, I bring the force of my palm against her disgusting cheek. She screams in pain and her cheek flashes bright red in the shape of my angry palm. 

Simultaneously she involuntarily twists almost 180 degrees and falls to the ground... 

Panting, my body hunched over, I throw the door open and run haggardly away.

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