Friday, March 8, 2013

Petty Larceny

The week is at its close which means that I wil be departing college in favor of the colder climates of home for a week on Spring break. It also means that the level I care about school this week is at a real low.  Therefore when it came time for my Modernism class and I realized that my book was upstairs, I certainly did not go upstairs to retrieve it. I mean come on, I'm supposed to walk up stairs now? Why don't I just go sprint a mile? 

In class we sit in very close corridors, sitting in a large rectangle made up of small tables. Therefore it's already awkward when this blonde girl squeezes over to sit next to me. To be fair, she has to, there is no other seat available at the table, so I don't silently smite her, but I still can't cross my legs without accidentally brushing against her leg...not ideal. As neighbors go, she's not the worst, though she is the one who eats full meals in class which I just don't approve of. Eat meals on your own time. Especially when that meal consists of rice, ham, egg, and lima beans...

My neighbor has also set her book out on the table face down and open, which while rude to the book, is acceptable to me. Now as we are seated at at table, it appears as though the book could be either hers or mine. It is hers though. Hers. I continue to remind myself of this as I zone out and end up glancing at the book. That is your That is not your book, is on a constant loop in my head.   Meanwhile the book is just there...looking at me.

Eventually of course I zone out and without even thinking, reach out and pick the book up, neatly closing it before realizing that that is not my book.

The girl turns, obviously noticing that I've robbed her.

"Oh god, I'm so sorry," I say handing her back her book. "I thought this was mine," with my ever reliable awkward laugh.

"I mean you can look at it if you want..." she says, like that book is some sort of 8th world wonder that I was just so transfixed by, I couldn't resist. No. I'm just a weirdo. Also now seems like a reasonable time to say that I was not picking up the book so that I could look at it, I was only picking it up to close it neatly and set it next to myself, which makes it look like I was so annoyed that she left her book out I decided she no longer deserved it.

The two of us continue this repeated exchange awkwardly for a moment longer, attracting the attention of my favorite professor, forcing me to explain that I had stolen accidentally from my classmate.  Then  I glance at my classmates who have begun to notice...

The professor thankfully directs our attention to the text, my neighbor opens her book, angling it so I too can look along, and I, feeling like I need to prove that I never wanted her book, stare pointedly at my notebook.


  1. A full meal? A FULL meal? Have a snack, fine, but that's a main course with some sides. Not acceptable. The book story is hilarious.