Friday, April 6, 2012

I Feel Bad For My Parents

My co-author has been very nostalgic lately, remembering those simple days of our 90's childhood. It has got me remembering all the wonderful things we partook in; Bike Horses, Pokemon, Pokemon School (yeah we created Pokemon school. Normal), playing kick ball with a grand total of five people (uneven teams, ALWAYS had a ghost man somewhere), alas.

One thing we did almost constantly however was put on shows. We would take pop songs of our age and we would "make up dances" and appoint a singer, and then put them on for our family. To my parents, I am so sorry, for I did not comprehend at the time why you might not want to come see these.

The first was "Believe" by Cher. A mediocre, obviously first-time performance.  We merely did simple dance moves on Quimsical's grandmother's hill as the music played in terrible quality in the background. "Lucky" by Brittany Spears however was an entirely different ballgame. It was LEGIT. We had a backup dancer (this did cause some controversy because she insisted upon being the ONLY backup dancer and a certain someone got it into his head that he too wanted to dance; foolish youth), we had a Lucky (further controversy, I'm not proud of it but I certainly wanted to play the principle role, in fact I could not understand why I was not chosen. I am NOT a background character to be forgotten in the shadows. I am Lucky, hear me roar!

Thus, two performances had to be done, one with me as Lucky and the other with Quimsical's sister as Lucky). We had sets, we had broken costumes that were too big for us, we had it all man. I thought Lucky was the single greatest thing I'd ever done in my life. I used to have thought processes like: man, I have extra time between this line and when I have to go receive my award (Britney never makes it clear what exactly Lucky is winning an award for...curious). I would improve getting ready in sadness. I AM MERYL STREEP. Though, at the time, I would have thought myself more a Lindsay Lohan (oh how the mighty have fallen).

We expected our parents to be present at these events, didn't understand why they wouldn't be. They should be there to see us shine. I was later told that my rendition of Lucky and gross over-exaggerated lip-synching of the words nearly reduced one of our friend's sister to tears from trying to hold in laughter, something that I would unknowingly do several times in my childhood career. My poor parents had to watch me do these things too, and then tell me that I was good and clever and the best part of the show when it was over. Poor souls.

And then there was the time when I was nine and my mother had just become pregnant with my younger brother.  The Rugrats movie had just come out and we had all gotten it into our heads that we should throw my mother a baby shower, singing the songs from the movie (namely the scene with all the babies in the hospital).  How sweet of us. We're all such loving children. Right?  The hitch is that my older brother's friend's mother was over while her son played at our house.  She came to the shower and, to my immense surprise, didn't know that my mother was pregnant. My mother hadn't told anyone outside of immediate family. Awesome. I had told everyone I knew so you can imagine how this shocked me that my mother hadn't immediately informed her of her new condition. My poor poor mother. How her cheeks must have become inflamed.


  1. I still have a bike horse. JP bought it for me a few weeks ago. It's even got "Iron Horse" printed on the side. I love him so much! I haven't named him yet, but I did whinny the first time I rode him.

    1. Hahaha, that is pretty epic. I would name him something respectable and stoic.. like Stout, Constance or Germaine. Perhaps Klyde. Just tossing thoughts around!