Sunday, November 27, 2011

There Comes a Point

Anyone else travel this Thanksgiving weekend? Anyone else get stuck in absolutely abominable traffic? Yes? Well then you may relate. There comes a time in every traveler's life as they're in stop and go traffic, going under ten miles an hour when the speed limit is 65, watching their time of arrival on their Garmin gradually get later and later, as the outside grows darker and darker, and rain pours more and more miserably when...

1) You begin yelling, knowing full well that no one even heres you. Mostly you target that one speedy car that switched lanes really quickly (you declare then a dumbass but really you're just jealous that they're probably going to reach their destination faster than you) or the car right ahead of yours, choosing to blame them for your current predicament.

2) You flip radio stations with increasing irritation

3) You consider not covering the toilet seat at the Wendy's where you know at least 100 women have peed before you but you have to pee so badly and have been waiting so long you don't care.

4) You can't seem to play Hey Ya! by Outcast loud enough

5) You develop a personal vendetta against Let it Snow! and White Christmas

6) You worry your stomach will reject the Wendy's you've just scarfed down in the car, having dripped something on your t-shirt

7) You make an odd sound of delight when Lose Yourself by Eminem comes on the radio, turning it up to nearly as loud as it will go immediately.

8) You contemplate what you would do if you had a bomb (a lot of people would have died man)

9) You slow to a stop inexplicably at a green light and then get mad when someone behind you honks at your stupidity

10) You contemplate if you were wearing a feminine napkin, could you just pee in the car (God no...maybe?)

Essentially you grow to hate yourself, and everyone around you. Hopefully everyone has a safe and happy holiday season. Unless you were one of those people stuck in traffic with me, then I hope you die (especially you Lexus, random SUV, and Mr. S4AG)

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